Shipment of BlackBerry Playbooks worth $1.7 million stolen

Nearly $2 million worth of RIM’s Playbook tablets were lost when a truck containing the merchandise was stolen, according to reports. RIM executives were shocked when they heard the news and according to inside sources were quoted as asking, “What’s a Playbook?” One of RIM’s CEOs also expressed his shock in a statement to the press, in which he said that he “can not believe that [RIM] would actually put effort into manufacturing this crap,” while RIM’s other CEO pointed out that the truckload of tablets was insured and would actually result in more profit for RIM than if they had “tried to sell these stupid things.”

Consumers were also shocked at the news. “I didn’t even know RIM still existed,” said Thomas Collins, a twenty-four-year-old grad student from Washington. “I thought they had gone out of business when they stopped making products,” he added. Upon being informed that RIM did in fact continue to manufacture their BlackBerry smartphones and other consumer electronics, Collins responded, “Oh, I had no idea. They’ve just become so irrelevant that I didn’t care.”

When RIM’s CEOs heard about Mr. Collins’ reaction to the news, they responded that they had never heard of Collins and that he must also “be totally and completely irrelevant.” However, before the press conference had ended, both CEOs had separately mentioned “a really dumb stupid-head in Washington, wherever that is, who thinks we don’t matter.”

The thieves who stole the truck later came forward and confessed to the crime, but were asked by RIM executives to keep the devices because “honestly, we don’t even want them back.” The thieves, who asked to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, said they were promised part of the insurance payout to keep or destroy the devices, just as long as RIM “never has to see them or know where they are.” They were also given permission to sell the Playbooks for profit, should they so choose, but declined the offer stating that they “would rather be disemboweled by a rabid mongoose than to try to get someone to buy one of these.”