The new Quarter Pounders at McDonald’s are basically obamacare burgers

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A few months ago McDonald’s introduced a bunch of new toppings for the Quarter Pounder. They are pretty much the obamacare of burgers, and I’m pretty upset about them. Let me explain to you why these awful, horrible obamaburgers (which I will admit are actually quite delicious) are actually the most horrendous act ever perpetrated by a fast food establishment against its customers.

A few years ago I tried a new burger at McDonald’s. It was a third of a pound and had bacon, cheese, onions, and the other condiments you’d expect on a bacon cheeseburger. There were some other flavors you could choose from, three in total, that had different toppings, but the bacon & cheese was the only one I ever ate. It was amazing and I loved it. I ate this burger quite frequently. Then one day it just disappeared. I was extremely disappointed. I went back to my old standby, the Double Quarter Pounder.

Then one day McDonald’s made a grand announcement. They were adding a bunch of new varieties of Quarter Pounders to the menu. After carefully studying the new lineup, I concluded that the burgers I had previously enjoyed had been converted to Quarter Pounders. The old burgers had one-third pound patties. The new one’s have quarter pound patties. Do you see what happened here?

McDonald’s took away something great, added the same toppings to a smaller burger, and then said it was really incredible and that you should be happy about it. Well, I’m not happy about it. I preferred the bigger burger. Now if I want that those toppings, I have to purchase a smaller, inferior burger.

This is basically what’s happening with obamacare. The insurance people had (and liked!) is being cancelled because their policies don’t comply with some arbitrary government decision. As a result, they’re forced to pay more for an inferior insurance policy, and the government says they should be happy about it. They should be glad they’re losing the insurance they considered, chose, and purchased. They should be thankful to the government for saving them from the product they chose and wanted.

They’re losing their delicious third-pound patty and being forced into a smaller patty that doesn’t fit what they want. They’re being told to get excited, because the newer, smaller burgers are here. They’re not as big, and you might not want them but you don’t have a choice. I’m just glad that, unlike obamacare, they aren’t required by law to buy Quarter Pounders they don’t want.

Gross.