Looks like someone didn’t get the message.

Discover keeps sending me junk mail trying to get me to sign up for a credit card. I got sick of it. If they want to hear from me so badly, they’re going to get their wish.

Update: they continued to mail me.

A few months ago, Taco Bell announced that they would be following up their unbelievably successful (and unbelievably delicious) Doritos Locos taco with a Cool Ranch variation. Across this great nation, people cried tears of pure happiness.

Today, we tasted the happy. And for once, it doesn’t taste like sad. It tastes like Cool Ranch Doritos. It tastes good.

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Bacon ice cream. That’s a real thing. But it shouldn’t be. Let me explain why.

Today I was eating some ice cream. I thought to myself, There is no such thing as ‘enough ice cream.’  I immediately thought of bacon-flavored ice cream. Two of the best things on earth in one package. Bacon and ice cream. Could there be a better combination? Yes. There could definitely be a better combination.

You see, bacon is essentially the greatest food known to man. It is physically impossible to improve on bacon. It simply cannot be done. Ice cream is one of the greatest desserts known to man. It is nearly impossible to improve on ice cream. So why bother trying?

Consider this: if you eat ice cream and bacon separately, you will take twice as much time to consume two flavors that cannot be improved on. If you combine them, you aren’t really improving anything, since it is physically impossible to improve on the flavor of bacon. Combining it with ice cream does nothing but allow you to consume two delicious foods in half the time normally required.

Why would you deprive yourself of the time you could spend eating bacon and ice cream separately by combining the two and rushing through it? That’s just sloppy. And that’s why bacon ice cream should not exist.

I worked for RadioShack for about a year from the summer of 2011 to the summer of 2012, and I would absolutely never encourage anyone to work there. I was planning on doing a really long post about working there, and maybe at some point in the future I will, but for now, you can have a look at a write-up I received from my district manager after I failed to live up to RadioShack’s idiotically high sales standards. (I call them “idiotically high” because there’s no real way to meet their standards when we would only get twenty customers on a good day.)

And I don’t care how he justified it, the last paragraph was especially insulting. At my previous job in the electronics department of a small department store, I had brought more money in sales than the cashiers at the front of the store on some days. I had customers come in and say they would never buy a Mac, then walk out with an iMac. That happened more than once. The problem is that at RadioShack, they expected me to peddle garbage on top of other garbage.

I did actually consider getting the book and reading it in the back room while on the clock every day just to spite the district manager. My coworkers were all in support of it, and the manager wouldn’t have cared. I just didn’t want to spend the money on the book.

Click here to see the write-up